How to Build a Campfire while wearing a Bow Tie

 

The discovery of fire is one of man's greatest accomplishments. Right up there with the automobile, microwave, pc and the Internet. Using these instructions you too can out man your caveman counterparts. 

  1. Get your dapper-self out of your tent, and pop on your sweet ass Ella Bing bow tie. Why you are wearing a bow tie in the woods, we do not know...but we do know you are a swaggy-gentleman, so it makes sense. If you do not know how to tie a bow tie, click the link. 
  2. Clear an area at least 10 feet in diameter, clearing all debris from the area. Don't be a dumbass and ensure all tents, clothes and blankets are at least 3 feet away from your designated campfire area. 
  3. Gather the materials. You will need a mixture of kindling, sticks, and larger logs. 
    1. Kindling is light-weight material that will burn quickly and get the fire started. This could be a mixture of twigs, paper, dry leaves, and/or dry pine needles.
    2. Sticks should be a little bulkier and broken to fit inside the fire pit. The sticks should be dead and dry.
    3. Larger logs should be dry and able to fit safely inside the fire pit.
  4. Simply gather a few fistfuls of kindling and place in the center of the fire pit, adjusting your bow tie accordingly. 
  5. Now, stack the sticks around the kindling in a teepee form. Ensure you leave room between the sticks to allow oxygen to flow through the teepee, by placing the sticks at a 45 degree angle. 
  6. Go ahead an ensure your bow tie is still suave, and while you are at it grab yourself a drink. Using the thicker sticks, create a square around the teepee structure. You can do this by placing two sticks on either side of the teepee. Next, stack sticks on the other tow sides so that the ends overlap in a log cabin style. Continue until you are five layers high. 
  7. Add one or two sticks to the top of the cabin to form a "roof." Do not place too man branches on top of ht cabin or you will suffocate the fire. 
  8. Light a match and place it inside the teepee so that it lights the kindling.
  9. If built properly, the kindling will burn and the teepee will ignite the cabin - Adjust bow tie, take a sip of your adult beverage.
  10. If the fire needs help spreading, you should encourage it by adding kindling and sticks. You can also fan the fire at the base to help it spread.
  11. Fuel the fire with increasingly larger sticks and logs. Remember that larger logs will require sufficient time to heat before burning. 
  12. When you are finished wit the fire, let the fire and logs burn down. Then, pour several bucks of water on the fire (even if it loos like it has extinguished). If it still smokes, shovel some dirt on to the ashes. 

There you have it, you now look fantastic in your bow tie, you have an adult beverage in your hand and now you are warm and cozy with your man-size fire. 

Source: Stuff Every Man Should Know by Brett Cohen

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